Better Days

It was last week, Aug. 9 when I received a text message from my cousin about my lola (mom's nanay). It took a while for me to absorb what I just read. I was in denial although I know that it is a probability.

Lola Pinay celebrated her 86th birthday last June 17. We (her children, apos, great apos) all went to Quezon (with our best RED top in our luggages) to share this special day with her. We started this kind of celebration last two years ago, on her 84th bday. However, this year was very different, she was so fragile and couldn't even utter a complete sentence. It was very heartbreaking, seeing her like this. But, there was no point to be cheerless, it was her birthday, it should be happy in a way.

We started the day with a mass then followed by picture taking which, everybody seemed to enjoy the most. Drizzle didn't stop us from showing those best smile until we heard a soft voice saying "umuulan na... ". It came from Lola, we were all surprised! She was a bit smiling when we turned to her so, everyone burst into laughter. Oo nga naman, umuulan na eh nagpipicture pa rin!

It was definitely a happy birthday! It was good to see her again, to be with my aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and other relatives. I know that Lola also felt the same way.

That text message said that Lola already passed away at around 2 pm. Afterwards, I received a call from my aunt "wala na si nanay". This time, it sinked in to me. No more 87th bday next year and an end to lola to greet everytime we go to Quezon.

86 years... I know life has been great for her. She has lived a well off life and experienced downfall when my Lolo died. She has gone through the ups and downs of this journey and was able to carry on up to the very last air that she inhaled and exhaled.

It was a serene death. Just like her usual afternoon nap. But, this time she didn't get up for some "lugaw" or "milk" and she never will...

She'll definitely be missed and her memories will always be remembered...

Heaven sent angels down

And gave Grandma her wings

Now, she's flyin' And slidin',

and glidin'

In better days

And although I'm all grown up

I still get confused

I stumble through the dark

Getting bumped and bruised

When night gets in my way

I could still hear my Grandma say...

October Baby

---------------OCTOBER BABY -------------------

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

----------------*MOSTLY TRUE *----------------

Pahabol for . . . JULY

July for me just passed by like a strong gust of wind. Probably, it is because of the highlights which gave me a bit of insanity at some point (yeah, exag... I know).

July 9 - 10
I stayed at Richmonde Hotel; what's new??? this time I just enjoyed the comfort of the room and the absence of sound effectuated by the well-panited walls. I know it's a luxury but, I deserve it! I need to break away from the "busy-ness" around me!

July 11
My first day with LogicaCMG! Two months ago I decided to shift from being a QA eng to Business Analyst! I had a lot of thinking prior to this move! Sad to say that after giving it a try and all those career shift mentations, I still got back to where I have started, a Test Analyst (forever...) ...

July 31
My last day with LogicaCMG! Haha :) Just kidding... My 3rd week as a Test Analyst!
and my third week being a bum... no work just chat, watch and catch (ignore the last one, just want it to rhyme... haha...)

I don't know what's waiting for me for the month of August... No offense to the bday celebrants but, I abhor this month as much as I dislike rainy days... coz it's a "Heartache Month" for me...

When She Cries - I Cried

I don't know what's in this song which makes me sob everytime I hear it (well, at least for now). It's not because of Bruce-Wendy loveteam (yeah, truly) why I got hook with it, it's the lyrics (that I'm certain)!

When She Cries
(Restless Heart)
Released 1992

The road I have traveled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true
When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
And she does her best to hide the pain
that she's been through

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believed
She'd be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I'd like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fill her loving eyes

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries. . .

*Sigh*

Some Brain Waves

Being alone here in my cube at lunch time (yeah, everyone is having their lunch just now and I had an early one) really sucks. I'm feeling weak and sleepy, don't have anyone to share my stories, this situation makes me want to just go home and bury myself under my pillow and comfortable blanket. I'm feeling like this for a couple of weeks now and I hate it. I hate it because it results to doing nothing at all at work, extremely unproductive!

But hey, this is slowly getting good b'coz I get to think about a lot of things : family; career; love (as if I have); friends and a lot more. Oppsss... I realized there are tons of them. I haven't done this for so long now - you know reflect ... to cut this intro, here are the things that I've thought of:

1. Family
a. I miss my family, the activities that we used to do way back when life is still simple
b. miss having someone to call "Daddy"
c. miss going out without spending even a single penny
d. miss not worrying anything and leaving everything to the old ones
e. I have a wonderful one: amidst of all those adversities, we were able to stick together

2. Career
a. how come I can't be contented with what I have; I'm yearning for more
b. hopefully, an employer will send me off to a business trip (it will be soo fulfilling for me, this is what I really want)
c. I'm earning enough
d. I love being in my field (good pay, petics, etc... )

3. Love Life
a. _______________
b. have this feeling that I will be an old maid, I just passed through the finish line (wahhh... it runs in the family)
c. I still believe in fairy tales and teleserye's happy ending despite of....

4. Friends
a. I love being with them
b. couldn't imagine life w/o them...

Floating: I'm wondering what it's like to be Johnny Storm's someone. . .

These are just some... the rest can't put them into words... tamad pa rin to work...

i am officially missing YOU all

I know it's late to post this for, the zenith of my emotions has declined. This has been a draft for a couple of weeks now but couldn't hoard all the words to consolidate the intensity of how I am missing my friends. This has been revived because of Benson. He just popped up the question when we were exchanging those less "kwenta" messages in YM (w/c we enjoyed very much...), "Michy, miss mo ba kami?"

Of course, I do! However, thanks to the dawning of the internet and thank God that my new office is just a few blocks away. The powerful (is it???) Yahoo Messenger made it easier to be in touch with my friends. Yeah, I know that it's still different when you get to see each other in person and trade those genuine smiles, hugs and laughters rather than swapping with emoticons! But at least, you know that they're just a click away.

What I miss about them??? A lot... But here are some...

This is Mitch. She's almost everything to me - girlfriend (the best), younger/older sister (sa edad nya minsan isip bata pa rin), mom (plainly bec she's older than me), boylet (maton kc), teacher (ma'am mitch with her glasses), ex-gym buddy (look at us now) and a lot more.

I miss her visits to my cube and start those zany conversations about life, how we laugh and cry about it.

Nancy. . . sassy girl as she claims. I miss our discreet Vodka sessions (sa QR ng GXS) and Tequila nights @ GXS; how we stayed very late at 7/11 just to have a taste of our favorite Vodka be it blue or red. I miss her odd way of expressing herself thus, can't help to smile or laugh.

Most of all, I miss her thoughtfulness, the visits whether sa cube or house ko, the calls, text messages, etc...etc...

Joyce - an intellectual conversationalist. There are so many things to miss about her. Here are the top three:

1. How she shares her stories with me be it happy or sad (office hours or break; may regression testing or wala). How we laugh and cry about it.

2. Our silly but, very rational conversations; stated in a scholarly manner

3. The sosyalan maneuvers however "simple"; and the famous "POUT"

Kim - the Geisha ( my Jap GF who never fails to entertain me). I miss our toot sessions, kikay conferences, laitan meeting and other professional rendezvous.

Another thing I miss about her is that she never runs out of stories, never a dull moment.

Jillette - the blade.

I miss her kwento about the Korean hunks; how she recommended me those Korean telenovelas to watch - "Wedding Planner" and "Goong"; how ecstatic she is whenever we talk about love stories.

Benson... Man of Steel (hmmm... ;P) I miss every argument that we had stating our own premises, fighting for what we believe in and the learning after.

Also the way he chuckled on that text message about a lola getting a "chemo".

This is Kuya. In a short span of time that we've known each other, I find 100 reasons to miss him. I miss the coffee sessions be it in the CBTL, SB or just in the pantry; the conversations that we had even if you can't get a matinong response from him; the flames and the artwork sessions before leaving for home; the jamming in the QR (how can I forget that James Ingram song); lunch outs; etc...etc..etc...

There are still others that I miss but, I have to get back to work. All I can say is that I may not be visible all the time but I'll try to be there when you needed me the most.

P.S.

Ferdie and Mhike, my singaporean friends (hehe). I miss as they call me "Angel"; the way they laugh at my jokes; as we talked about the PBB thingies; the way Ferdie appreciates me and the way Mhike teases me...

"to BA or no to be..."

A month ago, it was only a contentious YM status which resulted to incessant messages from my friends online. One of them even asked what school I chose to enroll in. I assumed he thought that I am getting one of those Masteral Degrees. And yes, I was right!

Today, it completely submerged into my whole system that it's not just a YM status! and that I am no longer working with the AFS team, the only project on which I ingested my 2.5 years in my previous company! and the answer is "to BA"!

In all honesty, it was an arduous decision. I even created a matrix to have a more lucid snapshot of what I'll be getting and losing from each company not only in terms of salary (I'll choose Okere then) but also benefits, trainings, people and travel opportunities - the superlative of all! and this time, not only on the environment that I have to adjust to but also to the line of work. I have been in the field of QA for almost 5.5 years and have to admit that I have learned to value it (even if nakakapeste at times). It thought me how to dance with the tempo of IT world and to sing with the melody of IT professionals. I have been seeing my future in this field, really, however, just woke up one morning yearning for something more.

Now, those 5.5 years of solid QA work will just be a history in my resume for I have shifted a career. "QAe TO BA", sounds the same but focus of effort is different. I'm very much looking forward to meet different clients and practice my english tongue twisters, hehe. I'm a bit edgy though but, I want to optimistic about it.

FYI: This is my second Thursday here, and I'm thrilled to face more coming Thursdays as a BA. I started with the case study yesterday as part of the training and I have completed the first two parts of the Business Requirements doc and have to deal with the rest today however, I'm still blogging... haha :P

Tzaitzein... wish me luck...

A Decade Old Poem

Ten years ago, I was compelled to write a poem for my Computer subject. In which, computer jargons were required to be sandwiched in the composition. Imagine how bizarre the poem turned out (by the way, i had a very limited knowledge about computer terminologies at that time)!

I just never thought that after a decade of sleep in my aged organizer, the lines from that poem will be awaken once more. Another thing that I couldn't believe?! Someone got interested to put melody on it. Yeah... An evolution from a simple poem into a tuneful composition.

The doer? Jasper Lopez, who was forced to concede his professor’s yearning to unleash the creativeness among his students. See how the teachers make things difficult for the students! [Chuckles...]

Couldn't help but burst into laughter when I heard it for the first time. How he rearranged and put melody on the lines... I just forgot to ask what grade he got... Haha :) Just be the one to judge...

TRY and BOOT

In the midst of darkness

on the screen, your face appears

I can see the loneliness inside you dear,

your eyes are blinking and filled with tears.

Don't cry, calm down my friend

stop sighing, this isn't the end

delete the past and don't pretend

continue processing, stand up and don't bend.

Shift your mood from solitude to bliss

control your emotions to be at peace

depend on me and everything will cease

store your love in my empty disk.

I know right now that files are blurred

but as time goes by all will be cleared

just try...try...boot and boot

and you will escape from this computer's loop!

I could not remember how and where I got the idea. However, one thing is positive, I was only sixteen then...

Crying Inside

A friend of mine once told me this -> "mas tatanungin ka nila pag umiiyak ka kesa pag tumatawa". My initial reaction - I just laughed and agreed on what he said without engaging to any line of reasoning. Afterwards, I realized that it is indeed true and just became aware of myself contemplating about it. Why do people has this impulse on turning their heads back whenever they see someone shedding some clear salty saline solution or simply known as "tears"??? Is it really out of concern or just out of curiosity? Each time I see a close friend, acquaintance or even a stranger weeping, I can't help but utter either one of these 1) Bat kaya sya umiiyak? or 2) Kawawa naman sya! I guess, most of you have the same reaction with mine, right (",)?

On the contrary, when someone is laughing out loud, we're not even bothered (unless, it's a monstrous laugh that will either scare you or disturb your precious moment) to ask why. Perhaps, the reason behind those unstoppable laughter is very much obvious, "happiness".
But, behind those tears... there may possibly be thousands of reasons...

Reasons which are only visible to eyes of the person who owns the tears...
Reasons which can not be revealed unless somebody asks either out of concern or out of curiosity...

Why am I spending time writing this? Simply because, right now, I'm trying to laugh out loud rather than answer people's questions if they see me cry...

My First...

I have attempted nth times but always failed. Perfect time??? Maybe it wasn't then, but now I just found myself writing or popularly known as "blogging". I just sense that NOW is the perfect time to start my blog in my not so fabulous gym attire (my tee is torn), not so good smell (haven't taken a shower yet but, promise, I will), and in my muddled cube with Ms. Piggie staring at me (hmmm... I'll share Ms. Piggie's story in my upcoming blog). I really have no any idea what to write at the moment but, just for the sake of my first blog not to be mind-numbing, I have to think of something... (Hmmm... this is harder than writing a test case... I'd rather be a tester than a blogger... Haha :P Nerd...) Let me start by taking a glimpse on the past year, "2006". It was a mix of both good and bad episodes. I have been through a lot, roller coaster of emotions, I died and was revived. For the past three years of my life, I have been sharing all my thoughts with someone who has been my best chum but, something came up and that someone had to go. This hasn't been easy for me, I ran out of things to do just to survive each day. Mind you, this story is long enough (not to mention full of drama) for it to be an episode of "Maalaala Mo Kaya", hehe...
Good thing about what happened??? I've proven who my true friends and I've met new ones - some has been special and some has just passed by.
Lessons Learned??? Everything happens for a reason, whatever reason that is, you'll know soon... Life is a mixture of certainties and uncertainties, what do I mean by this? Figure it out by yourself... Lastly, I will keep on traveling on this journey called LIFE despite of distress or anxiety, if you don't see me on the road, I'm probably just sitting and resting for a while (and most likely, taking photographs) but, the journey will still continue...